MAKE MINE A PRICKLY SPINE

So, it appears Logan has gotten all the way to round three. God in Heaven, who would have imagined such a thing could happen? Certainly not I. Ah well, there's a reason for everything, I'm sure. In fact, everything seems to be working int he man's favour. Eh?

The stars are against me.

So, he has been charged to go to my favorite spot on Friday, January 28th, at 1:30 PM. He must arrive within 20 minutes (10 minutes pre or post) of the scheduled time. Hehe, I finally allowed him to reply back, and he has confided that he is a bit wary of what may happen, and scared to think that I may be spying on him from some distant bushes.

You know what sucks? I think I'm going to have to pay some money for this. My idea was to just meet there and talk, but now I'm thinking I'll have to put some big writing on my car window, because I don't think he'll have the wits enough to stop and get out. I think he may feel that all he needs to do is drive by the place and that's that.

Actually, I've devised a plan of my own.

I suppose if he's not smart enough to get out and look around, than he isn't really worth talking to, so let's just assume he gets out of his vehicle. I will post a sign (probably on my vehicle) Telling him it's a game of hide and seek, and to find the exact location in that area that I'm at (which is my favorite of favorite spots) he'll then have another 20 minutes (hey, I don't think he'll need all that, but just in case). I think I may be running low on time though, so I may just put myself out in the open.

I s'pose we'll hang out there for a little bit, and then I'll take him to China Buffet (as a reward, I gather), and we'll eat and carry on and blahblahblah.

Right now I'm really hoping he isn't looking at my blog. Where's the suspence in that?

Man, it's going to cost $10 to go to China Buffet, so I hope he bring some money so I don't have to pay everything. That sucks. I was hoping to spend my gift card on it, but I can't seem to find it anywhere. I guess I'll go find it shortly...

To get kind of off the subject, his girlfriend lately has been acting like such a fucking bitch. And dude, she talks about him all. the. time. Mark my words, I don't mean in a good manner either. Actually, she's been quite snide to me recently as well, and I don't even talk to the kid anymore. I don't know...she use to be so great, but now...*sigh*

It's kind of happenning to my friend Katie as well. Apparently, she and Katie are best friends, and now Katie is doing all of this bad stuff. In fact, when Katie is around Lauren, she acts like she barely knows me! That's bullshit, and I'm going to talk to Katie very soon about that kind of stuff. If kind of feels like Katie is turning her back on me so that she can go out and get messed up. She can still go out and do that and still be my friend, but the fact that she's running away from me to do it is quite unreasonable and hurtful. Slightly repulsing as well, because at the same time I kind of feel like if she's going to be that way, maybe she should just run away from me.

Mind you, I don't confide this into anyone, because I am not one to gossip or talk about friend behind there backs, and until Katie herself has heard this from me personally, she will not hear it from anywhere else.

I am also curious as to what Lauren feels towards me. I've never done anything wrong directed towards her, but surely Logan has poisoned her mind beyond return, and 2 is more than 1. Actually, getting back to Katie, anytime the subject of the seperation of Logan and I comes up she seems to defend Lauren more than I, even when I told her the complete story, which started years ago, and I suppose she seems to think that I am in the werong. Therefore, Lauren surely has confided much to her, which I am growing ever more curious to know, but it's really...so confusing to me that Lauren has in a way turned Katie against me. Therein, 3 is more than 1.

I can't wait to leave all this drama.

I am quite...anxious and displeased right now, just from being so confused and frustrated. I'd love to believe the best of people, like I use to, but I know now that sometimes there's no going back to the brightness of the good old days, but you must look towards the brightness of a freelance future. I would love to be able to trust people again, to express my thought without having to worry about anyone understanding or not, and to just be accepted.

I think I've been looking, stumbling, actually, absently around for this acceptance, for someone to understand without having to understand, and to just poor my heart out to. It's so odd, and I'm quite confused, but I think there is a significance if Logan does win this game. I use to trust him so much, and I miss that trust, but it's been so long since I was able to trust someone so fully, I don't know that I can ever trust someone like that again. Right now, I'm now really sure if he knows how much I trusted him, or if he did indeed break that trust in more ways than I know he already did. That would hurt worse.

I think I just need someone to be there for me right now, and I don't mean romantic, and I don't mean sisterly, I mean someone who I can fall into and be soothed by, and find hope and strength and acceptance and so much much more than I can even think of right now.

I think these thoughts are in vein, and I'm not really sure how to go about realizing what they mean yet, but it's either all or nothing. Hell, I'm not even sure what we'll talk about when we see each other, how we'll act, what we'll do...I just, in the end, hope he's there.

For me.