CLOSING THE WARDROBE DOORS

Welp, it's come to that time that we all knew was inevitable. Housing the the Wardrobe of Eunuchs has been quite the experience for the these past 2 1/2 years. These little cabinets have watched me grow and mature from all sorts of little and big things...and now I feel that, unfortunately, this Wardrobe, as welcoming as it has been for me, no longer fits me. This is to say...goodbye to you Wardrobe, and thank you so much for always being here for me to turn to.

I feel like I've learned and gained so much in this past year I've been out of high school. My bonds with best friends have become tighter than I feel they've ever been, I learned how to find my own angle with each individual I meet, I've been blessed with a wonderful mentor and an unfaltering, faithful community that is the Orphan Foundation of America, I've experienced a little rise and fall in the entertainment industry, and not comes the time where I make the biggest leap of all: moving to Australia. Thus, I feel that in this move I do not have room enough to take the Wardrobe with me, so instead it will be stored in my and maybe a few others hearts forever, as I move on into some other part of the web.

Here are a few fun things before I go...

You Communicate With Your Eyes

When you say, "I'll believe it when I see it" - you really mean it. For you, what you see is a lot more important than what you hear. You don't take someone's words at face value. You judge people by their facial expressions, body language, and appearance. You tend to be quiet, but when you talk, you tend to make eye contact and describe things in colorful detail.

How Do You Communicate?

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. You're totally weird and very proud of it. Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way. Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

What American City Are You?

So, now that I've everything out of the way regarding my trip to Australia...what are the aspirations I am closing these doors under? Let's start from greatest to least, respectively.

1. To enjoy my environment. No matter what happens, I always want to be able to enjoy where I am and the majority of people I'm around, even if it's only myself.
2. To be successful. I desire more than anything in my ambitions to succeed in my pursuits, whatever they may be. I want to act. I need to act. I will.
3. To find love. As fickle as it may be, I like to dedicate myself to things, and in this department, much as I've been involved, I haven't fully invested myself in a long time. I don't really feel like dating so much anymore as I would like to simply find something and stick with it. Marriage? I don't know about that one...but definantly something worth while, and NOT just on a materialistic level!
4. To travel. I love travelling; the most precious sence to me are my eyes--if I didn't have them I don't think I'd want to live. That being said, I love seeing new things, new places, being there in unchartered territory or where people conquered thousands of years ago...I hope, for a time, to live in Canada, Ireland, Scotland, and France at some point. Perhaps Germany as well.


Blah blah blah. I've also decided a name that I like best for a little boy. I decided it while I was vacationing with friends in Ocean Isle, North Carolina.

Preston Raleigh.

Foxtrot, O Brother

Got plenty a' things on my mind right now.
Steerin' the wheel gets tough when it's so late,
Especially with roads so silent and dark.

I come across a pair of foxes...
Their mate is lying dead in the middle of the road.
They're shouting "Where have you gone, friend?"

"Hopefully somewhere better than here," I muttered.
Them foxes looked at me with such anguish...
They ran off into a field somewheres.

I reckon they're just waitin' in the wings
'Til I'm out of sight. Then they'll come back on stage
And pray to God that poor old feller's death scene ends.

The Good Ol' Days

Goodbye Lewis Residence
You provided me
With many fond memories
And now I'm gettin' gone
I guess this is...so long.

Goodbye sorrowful community
Graveyard in the shadows of trees
Goodbye to what use to be.

Will you remember me?
I hope you do.
I hope you remember my smile
My fingers tracing your nose,
Tugging at your earlobes,
Will you remember that?

I hope you live a happy life.
I hope you have children
Who make you proud,
Who never cause you trouble or doubt

I hope you marry a lovely wife.

I hope your house is a home
And you're amongst people
You can comfortably call your own,
And your days are filled
With endless beauty.

And I hope someday, when I'm old,
I'll have the pleasure
Of drifting off to sleep,
To wake up with your face in my hands,
Just like the good ol' days.
Now I know you'll never leave me again.

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??

Morpheus
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Cursive - Staying Alive

I've decided tonight I'm staying alive just kicking & screaming
Blood boiling & steaming
There are things far too dark to comprehend
Sleep on it one more night my sad old friend

Doo do doo do doo do doo do

The worst is over.






Gosh I'm having some difficulties dealing with my perspective of people and their feelings towards me.

Oooooooh Frustrations...

Man................................................I don't know what....how...to feel...I feel like a teenager. Woo, another half a year to go to cut that out. Only another 3 months or so until Australia...only a few more weeks until the beach...yip!

Anyways.

I feel childish, in a bad way. And I feel like someone is watching me. Dunno who would, dunno why...but I can't keep typing. More later.


---Skitzo

I am pertified out of my fucking mind. Out. Of. My. Mind.


I don't even know if I'm even going to be able to participate in the movie project...I sent a director to my teacher (who is the casting director) about how I was concerned about finances, and I just called my film director, and he says he really doesn't know how things are going to be able to go, and that they may have to...drop me. I feel...disappointed. Ashamed. A loss of self-worth. Slightly alarmed. I feel very hurt right now. I do not want to drop this project; I know it would be good for me, but I've already invested towards Australia, and I need money desperately. He said he doesn't want to hinder my chances of other things, but this movie is what I've been looking towards--it's why I didn't apply for more financial aide. My brain is being wracked, and I feel like I'm choking right now trying to hold back gasping for air in front of everyone in this library. God, if you could please lift me up right now I'd be very appreciative. I need to win a lottey ticket or something, I need to win something. Nothing big, just a few thousand dollars...let me put it all out on paper:

I currently have approximately $2200 at my disposal.

With my next two paychecks, I should and up with som $2600.

Mum is going to make me pay the next two months rent, so that brings me to $2100.

Manditory travel insurance for Australia takes me down to $1700.

My round-trip plane ticket will put me at $750.

I need at least $700 to enter Australia alone. This leaves me with $50. Fifty dollars for a whole summer.

On top of that, my balance at school is -$1700 odd, I have a Stafford loan coming up in six months totally $2026, and if they expect me to join SAG that's another $1600. I don't know. I just don't know. I know, however, that I need to relay the message to my teacher that this project IS important to me. I'm panicing right now, and I just need to take some deep breaths and think these things through--what's mandetory, what can be covered, and so forth. May God be with me, I pray.

Trouble, Oh Trouble


My mum sucks. So does financial aide.


So, it has come to my recent attention that pretty soon, within the next month or so, I'm pretty much not going to have any cash. This will in no way stop me from fulfilling my dreams, as I'm sure you all know, but it may definantly hinder my near future, i.e. I might have to find some other job that will gaurentee me fast cash, which means no movie, which means...I may be fucked in a year or so. I could still change my plans. But let me tell you girls what's up:

My mum, though she still claims me as a dependant, has decided to no longer pay my rent (which would only be for two more months anyways, but that's about $500 I'll have to splurge). I think she should since I'm still in school, but whatever. Then I call up financial aide because my $2000 work-study scholarship isn't showing up on my statement. You were right, Kim--turns out the money I'm making is the money in the scholarship. My current balance (what I owe the university) is $1773. As of April 3rd, I have $1853.07 in my bank account. With what I'm going to be putting out towards the school and rent (thank the good Lord above for OFA), it looks like little Rene is going to have *maybe* $500 at the end of May. Now sure, that's enough to pay for my travel insurance.....

Something is fishy, ladies. Besides the part about my mother lying to me about not recieving child support for the past seven years, or the fact that every tax season she loans out three and four thousand dollars to my sisters, or the fact that she changed her address around so that she could still recieve checks from the government for Stevo when he went to live with dad.

...anywho, to make a long story short...I'm needing some major dough, and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to do that right now. I HAVE to have money for my SAG membership (which yes, I can make in payments, but that bitch is about $1600), and a little over $900 for my round-trip ticket to Australia by the end of June. I don't know how, but I'm going to have to approach my film director and talk some serious finance. I'm also going to have to call up OFA for some advice and clearance, as well as the school for when they're going to need the money, and BESIDE that issue I'm going to have a $2026 Stafford loan over my shoulders in 6 months. Personally, I'd like to have EVERYTHING paid off before I leave, but that stuff alone is looking to be some $4600 odd, and I'm going to need money on top of that handy for when we move down under! That means, roughly, I've got to find a way to make at LEAST $6000 in the next few months. I think I'm going to try and get a Temp in Bristol, and I'll try updating you guys in the next few days as to what results of this conflict, but boy is there some weight on my shoulders right now....