OUR WAKING LIFE

How very queer it is, dreaming. Some people think the oddness of it derives from dreaming about totally bizarre things and instances. They think the strange part about dreams is dreaming about the things you never even think of, or places you've never been, things you've never done, and that kind of stuff.

These things do not stick out to me. What I am refering to are the dreams about people in your life, or that have been in your life, and how just one dream of them can change your view of them dramatically in reality. Why do we let dreams like that affect us in such a way? To such a degree that we let the subconscience dream world-of no order or function- rule the decisions we make and the way we live in our waking life?

I just had a dream. I had a dream that Logan was back to his good old self- coy, humble, modest...you know, his better qualities. The strange thing is, it took place a few months from now, and we were in the yearbook room at school. He was signing the wall, which is traditional for graduating yearbook staff (though he already graduated), and we started making a painting on another wall. We were laughing, and smiling at one another when the other wasn't looking...it was so peaceful. The serenity it put it me was just...very relaxing, like it was just so great to be in that instance, to be alive, and not think about anything else.

But then I woke up. I woke up with those feelings inside of me, and maybe Logan was still inside of himself somewhere, deep down inside, behind all of the hate and lies and terrible things. Maybe all it would take was a little bit of time, and someone willing enough and patient enough to save him. The feeling is strange and unfamilier, and I know it doesn't belong. It's just wishful thinking. And even if it were true, I feel it would be weak of me to try again, after all he's done to me.


Things can never be the same.