THE WORLD ROTATES, AND YET WE DON'T MOVE...OR DO WE?

This weekend was quite an odd occurrence. Not only did I manage to *corrupt/enlighten* my good friend (who happens to be a preachers daughter), but very strange feelings have arisen in me. How strange? Probably not very strange to anyone else, but definatly strange to me.

Oddly enough... After the festivities of this weekend...I don't miss Him anymore. Actually, I almost feel like I don't even feel anything at all in that department. After feeling nothing but overwhelming, unless, bursting-at-the-seems affection for him for over a year and a half, now I just feel...Nothing at all. How strange it is. I don't even feel sad, or at a loss even, I just feel a complete and sober nothingness. I'm actually sort of suspicious about it, so I've been kind of questioning myself the last few days. I'm pretty sure the feeling is going to stay, though. I mean, I don't even have the desire to communicate with him in any way. Amazing.

Another very strange feeling has arisen in me as well. Actually, it's kind of unsettling and determinedly unwelcome. I saw Logan this weekend. I did not talk to him, mind you, but simply saw him. Earlier that night, I'd been boasting to my friends that if I ever saw him at a party, I would find an excuse to run up and punch him in the face. So, what happens? Of course, he ends up showing up, and walks in like it's no big thing. So I hang out in the other room, and WHO IN THE WORLD strolls in and sits his pompous ass on the couch but the man himself. Now, I was a bit perturbed, but I was kind of keeping my vision fuzzed so I wouldn't have to look at him. I'm not sure how he was feeling, considering this was the first time in months we'd seen each other, but for some reason he kept on staring at me. I'm not sure if it was a glare or a longing in his eye, but I was just wishing that he would LEAVE that ROOM! It ended up that my friends and I left after a while, (one of them was afraid she was going have to restrain me when she saw him there!) so I didn't end up walking the walk. But boy, I still want to!

Now then, you're probably wondering "Okay, where's the strange feeling?" Well, here it is: I kind of want to write him a letter. What the hell, right? It's completely bogus, I know, but it's the sad, cold truth. I'm not sure if it would work out though, considering he always takes anything concerning me offensively and just protests about anything, no matter if you're being reasonable and mature or not. We're talking about a guy who I wrote a very general, polite, informative letter to and he wrote back "I hope you die very soon." That's just giving you an idea of this.

Were I to write him a letter, I would not send it over the internet. The internet is lifeless, and puts no personality or meaning into any words written (sometimes it actually makes them harsher). I would send it through the mail, with no shame of putting my very own address on it. I'm not really sure how I would start it out, but I would slowly mold it into explaining how we'd both crossed the line when we established more than a friendship, and that what we had before that was a really beautiful thing (our friendship). This would definatly not be an apology note, but a note explaining why things rolled out the way they did, and that any other way would have just not worked out. I would then say that it is best for the both of us things are the way they are, and that it's OK not to write back, because I know he probably doesn't want to. I just thought I should say something to clear the smoke for good, and not only erase the chalk board, but give it a good scrub down.

That paragraph was probably just for my own personal welfare, but, then again, isn't this whole blog?