WOW.

I just read through some of the April and March posts...that was an INSANE RIDE. I can't believed that stuff actually happened to me. I'd always imagined as a pre-teen that if I was ever disrespected by a guy, and what not, that I would break up with him, and not be as stupid as all the other girls I'd heard stories about. Hah, boy, was I in for it. I guess I jinxed myself or something. My word of advise is stick to your conviction, but, as I learned, in the spur of the moment that just doesn't seem like the right answer. Believe me, it is. I hope that was the worst relationship I'll ever be in.

Hah, those posts kind of make me stronger, too. I mean, yes, it makes me tremendously sad to read them, and it aches my heart, but sometimes I get wishy-washy, and think about re-establishing contact. Reliving the situation helps me stick to my guns, and to the promise to myself. If I were to ever communicate with him again, it would entirely be my fault when I got hurt, and that would be the hardest thing to ever deal with. I hope he's changed for the better though, but I do not have much faith in the character of human beings any more...

While we're on the subject, it has come to my acute senses that I now despise my once friend, Lauren. Actually, it's almost as if the very ground she walks on stems with a repulsive acidic-like aura. I'm not sure who it is to blame for the feeling that has arisen in my towards her, but my guess is her own, considering she's never talked to me about anything. Well, that's pseudo-contradictory: she did tell me a bit back that she was starting to hate him; they're still together, though. I'm not really sure how they manage to "stay" together, though, considering they never are, physically together. What I mean is, I've never seen or heard of them hanging out, save for a few sparce moments. What a pointless, peice of shit relationship (oops, it slipped). No, this is not jealously (TRUST ME), this is just despisal of people being so week as to not even consider others...blah, I'm fragmenting.

No, just her. And to think, she was INSIDE MY HOUSE this weekend. For some reason, my rage towards her keeps growing; now it feels larger than my rage towards him. I want to punch HER in the face. She's become such a dark person now, and I sincerely think it's his fault. How sad, I use to love that girl...then she turned into this stelth, shadowy, insincere, inconsiderate monster. What a shame...but I don't know that the case is much different from myself...no, I would definantly say she's in the worse position.

For once, though, I'd like to really sit down and talk with her, sort of interview her, about what the hell she was thinking, and if she EVER gave a damn about my feelings, and how he treats her now, and is she's really happy with her life. Last time we talked, a few months ago, the answer to the last question was no. I don't see it becoming any different from then.

Oh well, I'm going now. Bye. Bye.