DUDES...I THINK I JUST HAD AN OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCE

So, tonight I went to bed a bit early, because after a long night of mucho fun on this Halloween weekend, I was tired as hell. It was easy for me to fall asleep, apparently, but when I opened my eyes again there was a figure standing in my room, at my bedside....OK, I thought to myself, who the hell is this? I'm still laying in bed, mind, so I'm not sure if I want to move or not, and after asking this person to unveil themselves he/she has not, and thus I begin to ponder. Is this a dream? It couldn't possibly be, right now feels SO real. So I try changing my bedroom attire--that doesn't work. Then I try changing to figure's face from beneath the shadowy veil, and it stirs a bit. Well, that could have been me, or they could have shifted a little, I thought. Then I attempted one last measure: I remembered reading about how sometimes in lucid dreaming you can actually step out of your body, so I figured I'd give it a go. Instead of the usual float above your body, I was just going to attempt to sit up. If everything was normal, then dammit who the fuck is standing in my room. But if not...well, I wouldn't know, because I've never tried it. Only one way to find out, so I thrust my legs over the side of the bed and sat up quick...



...to feel partially removed from myself. My response: Whoooaa. However, I was hesitant, and so still sort of connected with my physical body. The way to describe the sensations I felt at this moment would be....sort of weightless, but not like outer-space-I-can-float weightless, just like I weighed a lot less and didn't feel so much bulk or pull to the Earth. Also, and most prodominately, the funny feeling when parts of your body fall asleep...I felt that in all of the places that my self was NOT connected to my body, and so I had this strange sensation not in the form I was conscience in, but in the body of myself still lying on the bed. Nuts.

Having achieved this, whatever it may be, I could finally switch around the face a bit, so I did a couple of faces, but it was still hard to change the expressions and elaborate in much detail--I think this is because I have not drempt lucidly in a long while; at least a month or more. I took myself somewhere for a bit, but alas, I was pulled back into the waking world maybe a minute or two into my realization. This was odd for me as well, because I still was not sure whether I was awake or dreaming. I checked my watch a few times, and tried to change the time, but that did not work, and thus I was truly awake. However, one strange thing still lingered--my body had the tingly sensation that happens when a limb "falls asleep," but it was all over....Wow, I guess it really happened, I lied thinking for a while. I tried to get back into dreamland, but it's been an hour since. I've kind of been paranoid, because I'm not sure if I'm dreaming or not, thus I'm not sure if there's something in my room and that's a little frightening. This, however, is nothing to worry about--for in my mind I could control that anyways, but it's all a matter of how much selfdoubt or selfconfidence I have. I'm probably leaning more towards self-doubt these days, so I guess I'll have to work on that.

And that, my friends, is the end of my story. All in all, a truly bogus experience, but I hope it to not be the last. I would like to explore these happennings at further length, and see if I can break through the bariers of reality, which I feel are quite thin.

TRAPPED IN SHOES I DON'T WANT TO WEAR

I don't want to go to school here anymore. The problem is, I can't very well get our of it...I mean, at least until May, which really sucks ass. I was thinking I could stick it out until then, but ignorance is bliss, and something I don't have, thus my grievance over this big damned waste of time. I really need a car, but I don't have money for one. If I had a job, I could have money, but I need a car for a job, and I need money to get a car. FUCK.

I really think my professers should start wearing clown suits or something. Then maybe I'll be better able to pay attention to them. I need to buy some stackers.

I'm looking all over this school page for advice, but all they have is this posotive stuff--no helpful place on if you want to drop. I need to get my shit together. I mean, mentally, and the literal shit that's devistating the floor of my room. Clothes/junk everywhere...what a mess. Truly a disappointment...I wish I'd not left Bristol this summer. But there's a reason for everything, I suppose...

If I can get out of school at the end of this semester, I'll be able to save money and earn money towards my move to Australia. I'm looking at a few school options out there, and the more I do the more I want to end right now so I can start sooner there. Why in the WORLD are our programs here 4 years long, and there's are even half of that? Highschool should end sooner, and college should be shortenned. This is utter bullshit. Lord, help me.

The Nymph Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer (DBSDf) Sly. Sensual. Guarded. Different somehow. You are The Nymph. It appears like you're looking for a fling or a casual sexual relationship, but it's not that simple. You're a hungry but also very careful person, and this generates a certain amount of sexual tension within you and in your relationships. In other aspects of life, you get what you want. In relationships, that's not always the case. It's possible you intimidate potential lovers. Most likely, though, you're a little closed off--therefore mysterious--and, naturally, people find that difficult to get with. Maybe it's just part of your selection Your exact opposite: The Peach Random Gentle Love Master process, though. You've been in enough relationships to know to expose yourself slowly. When you do feel comfortable with someone, though, your torrid sexual appetite will make him very happy. Your cautious nature is also a big asset in a long-term relationship. It might take longer for love to establish itself, but when it does, it's all the stronger. ALWAYS AVOID: The False Messiah CONSIDER: The Playboy

Wow. Did NOT know that. Hah.

Your Birthdate: December 16

Your birth on the 16th day of the month gives a sense of loneliness and generally the desire to work alone. You are relatively inflexible, and insist on your being independent. You need a good deal of time to rest and to meditate. You are introspective and a little stubborn. Because of this, it may not be easy for you to maintain permanent relationships, but you probably will as you are very much into home and family. This birth day inclines to interests in the technical, the scientific, and to the religious or the unknown realm of spiritual explorations. The date gives you a tendency to seek unusual approaches and makes your style seem a little different and unique to those around you. Your intuition is aided by the day of your birth, but most of your actions are bedded in logic, responsibility, and the rational approach. You may be emotional, but have a hard time expressing these emotions. Because of this, there may be some difficulty in giving or receiving affection.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Damn, Gina. That's a bit harsh. True, but harsh.

Train. Tracks.

I'll find my redemption
On those tracks.
On those tracks to Hell.
I'll find my redemption
I swear I will.

Train tracks make print across my mind
They're sublime.
I wonder if I was born with this
What is it?

Got a biological homing device
It calls me to those tracks of mine
So endless, so defined.
I wanna follow that trail
I want it to tell me the story
That is never did tell.

I can see it so clearly now
It taunts my lack of movement; my personal stalemate
But one day I'll follow it
Free myself from all of these bondages, these chains.

WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERY GIRL IN MY APARTMENT COMPLEX DECIDE TO CRY OUTSIDE OF MY WINDOW?

And...when will my roomate stop that damned ear-raking pop-kissing isht with her boyfriend? Her boyfriend, who is NOT her fiancee? WHEN, I ask?






Logan. Logan? Logan...will that kid ever learn time management? Willy? God, I shall pray for it. I just got done reading some lovely previous posts involving him...good times...excuse my while I dry heave.


...to bad this thing doesn't have emoticons. Then again, it's a good thing those things aren't polluting the ENTIRE world wide web.

Blowing Me One Way

Way down south,
Where even peaches don't grow,
There's no thing as an Eskimo
They only exist...
In coloring books.

Take a stand
Why don't you take my hand
And walk on down to No Man's Land
It only exists..
In magazines.

Yeah, maybe Papa don't preach,
But the good Lord sings
I'm gonna pack my bags but not take my things
'Cause I don't need...
Anything.

My life in Suede
It doesn't feel the same
As it did when I was, maybe, 17
'Cause I don't need...
A damn thing.

Take your time
Enjoy the ride.
Look around,
And make your own strides.

Voices calling
Heritage longing
Footprints falling
Soft wind blowing.

I think I finally understand what it is to be Southern.

I just got done watching Searching for the Wrong-Eyed Jesus, a film directed and photographed by Andrew Douglas. Though it was under the context of a documentary, the way it was layed out, the cinematography, and the music used made it feel nearly like a movie all in it's own. I liked it--I don't think I can quite discribe it to it's true perfection, though. The soundtrack even included a new song by Cat Power, which was neato, and I really enjoyed the old caress of mountain music.

It's so true: you never really appreciate it when most of your young life is spent within Southern bonds--generations apon generations living in the same place feels like a bearier that needs breaking. It isn't until you are free of it that you appreciate your heritage for what it's worth. I know what it is to be Southern. Look beyond the accents, the funny faces, the out-of-date clothing and hair. There's passion, a lack of concern about what the rest of the world thinks about how you live. There's never-ending love and devotion--a unique religious connection that has adapted a life of it's own to the needs of those who feel like nothing's ever happened, and nothing ever will.

I've decided that water and music are holy elements. No, this isn't an original thought, but they are present within nearly ever religion, and surely within all of the main ones. I don't like country music, but I've grown to appreciate the roots in my blood that are connected to the distant stream of mountain music, that once, and still does in some areas, flowed throughout the Appalachians.

Music and water...I've got to think on this further....