LITTLE DREAMS FORGOTTEN IN YOUR POCKET SEEMS

I use to know how to control what I was dreaming. I don't know how I did it, but every night I'd tell myself that if anything unbelieveable or out of the norm was happenning, it was probably a dream. That also included things that you wish for that will probably never come true, such as hoping for the little boy in the front row to pass you a note telling you how long he's liked you. When I became able to do this, at first I would blurt out "oh, this is a dream!" and immediatly everything would decipate and I'd wake up. Apparently, in Dreamland, it's a big no-no to let it out that you do indeed know that you aren't in reality. That stage was somewhat frustrating, but soon enough, after I controlled that pridefull urge of letting it known that I was smarter than my subconscience, I could morph basically any situation within a dream into what I wanted it to be.

This may be why I've only had two nightmares within the last 7 or 8 years, though I've long forgotten how to control my dreams. Every now and then I'll realize I'm dreaming, but I think that happens to everyone. Their only problem is they don't know how to change things around, whereas when I realize I'm dreaming, it's pretty much second nature to do so. Maybe people think too hard on it, when really all you have to do is close your eyes and will it to happen. Believe me, it's that simple, and it works.

Just an hour ago I was napping, and had a half sleep dream. Those are the easiest ones to figure out and get control of, but sometimes the awake side of you doesn't want to change anything, for fear of it really happenning. Sometimes within the dream the actual things around you come into it, and make you think that's whats actually happenning around you when you have the daydream. Don't trust that. Unless you sit up with your eyes wide open and talk to someone, you're still in the dream.

However, I've just had quite a baffling eye-openning experience. It wasn't something that's going to make me re-think any current standing point I'm at, or second guess myself, but it was definantly a slight disturbance. I don't recall the original daydream I had, but I think it was something like the obstical courses kids go on at the carnivals, though I was just as old as I am now. Well, I realized it was a dream, and then...God, it's sooo...bad! I willed Him to be there! Out of all people, HIM! What the Hell...

I recall in my dream though, that I really wanted him to be there. I knew that in real life I'd never want that to be so, and I considered sending Him back for someone else, but I decided not to! No, being fully awake right now I have peace and solace in knowing that that is long over and done with, but was it really ME who wanted Him to be in my dream, or was it just my dream self (if there is such a thing)?

Could it possibly be that it was my subconscience, the one who overall wants what really makes me happy, still wants Him? Is my conscience ruling Him out because of the way things are in society, because of convenience, and so that I won't be hurt again? Was it something that I've repressed so successfully that I don't even remember the feeling, and now find it shocking that I felt it in that dream?

You know, one of my good friends once told me, "once you love a person, they'll always have a place in your heart, no matter how big or small, no matter what they do, right or wrong." I suppose that little peice of my heart just washed up on shore for a little while, and hopefully that will be the last time it does so. Want to know something else?

She was so right.