THOUGHTS ARE LEFT BEHIND AS YOU DRIFT OFF INTO THE SUN

One day left and school will be officially out...thank Heaven, though lately I've been using language against it's leader way too much. Basically all of the college kids around here will be gone next year...I don't know whether to be dismayed or jump with rejoice. I think I'd rather be the latter than the former, though, wouldn't you?

I miss the way everyone use to be. I miss the way I use to be. But things happen, people change, and over time, we are all rearranged. Into what? I don't know, all I know is that's the way things are meant to be, and I feel content in that knowledge. I'm not trying to interpret here that I'm accepting an age old pattern, I'm simply saying we learn from every single aspect that takes place in our lives. Whether it be deciding we're old enough to sleep without a night light, tripping down the steps at school, or even never telling someone we love them - until it's too late.

There are only a few people that I'll be glad to see leave my life for good. These people are the ones that have changed not only themselves, but my life in a dramatic way. I'm thankful for that, though its been a tremendously painful process. Others are mere spectrums, who've been entertaining, but that I haven't been around long enough to really get to know or care about. Then there are the few that I will miss. Some I'll miss in a way that they were always there to support me, and back me up in a situation in which I couldn't have gone on without someone to monitor my clumsy steps, while the pendalum swinged closer and closer.

Others I'll miss in a timeless way. I miss them now, even when they're still here. I'm not sure that there is more than one, but there is one in particular. I miss this person in a way that one misses the innocence of childhood. This person has changed, and I'm not sure how, because I got out a long, long time ago. You see, I saw the change coming, and the last few entries are solid proof that sticking around to watch it is even more painful than giving it up. I gave this person up, and that's the way it was meant to be. Sometimes I muse about what steps could have been taken to right whatever wrong there was, but thinking this way is pointless, and gets one nowhere. I know we could have made it, we were birds of a feather, and I'll never stop thinking how beautiful He was. I'm content with knowing that I'll never be back in those shoes, and that things will never be the same, but I do miss the time in which we were one person. There was nothing else on the earth - nothing. Time stood still, and it's still frozen in my memory, and I'll cherish it there forever, I swear it.

There are some people, though the group is quite small, that I love. I love them right now, and I hopefully won't stop loving them. Some people I once loved, but we've become distant, or our paths have strayed from one another. Others I find all the strength in the world in, yet I do not feel the connection, yet, that I do with the people I really love. What is love? To me, love is this:

1) Alex A. This amazing man decided, after getting to know my brother and I, that he would stick around to be a father for us, even though he hadn't even reached the age of 30. A father he said he'd never had, and a father we would have never had, had it not been for him. Though he lives a simple life, there is nothing simple about this man. Not only am I proud to call him Dad, but he's made a irreplaceable mark on my heart that continues to help me with every decision I make.

2) Stevie M. As a child, I never found any value in my twin brother. But, as I matured, I came to realize that, no matter what I do, I'll always have him as my best friend. Though we've been seperated a few sparse times in our life, nothing will ever again seperate us from each other. I confide in him secrets that I tell to no one else, and how I truely feel about it, not how I'd like to feel, because he's practically the male version of me. Though it is sometimes hard, being siblings and all, he motivates me to be the best that I can, because not only am I doing it for my own ass, but I'm doing it for his.

3) Lori G. What can I say? This kid is beautiful in every way, though she can make some pretty deminted faces. She's such a funny person to be around, and we have a relationship where we can always laugh at life, because if we didn't point that out to each other, we'd probably cry. Not only is she talented visually ( you should see some of the amazing pictures she's taken), but she has an extremely sober take on things that really puts you in tune with, well, everything.

4) Verny B. Here is another prime example of whom I love. She's sometimes so blind in being a perfectionist, that she doesn't see how wonderful she's already become. She's also funny, but in a way in which you laugh AT her, but she's laughing at herself too. She'd so passionate in everything she does or persues, and that's what's so great about being her friend. She'll always be exstatic for you, and it's kind of a contagious feeling.

5) Nickie C. This is the most down-to-earth friend I think I've ever had, which is kind of ironic, considering she's the only one who doesn't have any clue what kind of a career she wants to persue. Through thick and thin, no matter how much time lapses or things that take place, she'll always be my shoulder to lean on. Actually, it took me awhile to find who she truly was; I'd known her for years before we were even friends. She's so beautiful - inside and out, and she's a great romodel for anyone at any age. Actually, I don't think I realize how lucky I am to have her as a friend.

Thank you to all of these amazing people, wherever you are. Never lose touch with me, I'd be nowhere without you.