STUPID SMILES AND AUTOGRAPHS, THIS IS A SONG FOR FRANCE

It takes great skill to be a true berry picker. One cannot simply go out and pick a berry off of a bush, oh no. One must not only be on the same level as that bush, but one must be born with the amazing talent of a true picker.

Firstly, this is not just some simple, easily done task, however task-oriented this career may be. If you want to make it to the big leagues, you have to know, first of all, who you're going out there for. If you touch the greens, you've definantly got your head out of the game. You can't even go for the pinks either. No, you have to be in it for the blues. Some of them like to confuse you, however, and rub their pigment off to look as a dark purple. Do not be fooled, these, too, are blueberries.

Secondly, you've GOT to know what you're doing out there. You've got to know how to whip that bugspray on, slap on the Deo, and go go go. If you can't do that with skill, don't count on even making it out into the field. When and if you DO get out there, you can't just look at your obsticles as objects, you have to treat them as real, living things, because they are. Make sure you're on the same tune with the bush you're trying to get by, and know that these are it's berries, not yours. Treat it as though you are realiving it of a great pain. After all, it must suck to have to be in the sun all the time, always carring a huge load or berries.

Often times, many are frightenned to pursue this skilled career field, and that's OK. Not many are built to handle it. When you're a berry picker, you have to smell, see, and live berries. You pick berries all day, and after you're done, you see them everytime you close your eyes. You DREAM berries, even, and when you wake up, you live the amazing experience all over again. Low pay? That's ok, because you are the one gifted with this superhuman power of picking berries. Some can't handle it, and often go into catatonia, or deleria. Don't let THIS happen to YOU. Instead, think about why a blueberry is called blue, and not purple. Think to yourself that if is WAS called purpleberry, people would wonder why they weren't called blueberries. Then, sum it all up by self-titling these amazing berries blurpleberries.

Do not feel burdened if you are the holder of this amazing talent. Know that yes, you do have a very important, if not vital, place on this earth. There will come a time when the big man says "Hey..." and that will be your calling. That will be your destiny. THAT will be your time to go out there, and do the best you can, because damn it, it's all you've got.

Boy oh boy. Guess who got a job (well, sort of). Oh, and did I fail to mention...here's the BEST part...40 cents a pound! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA

****runs off and rips hair out, the end****